Love and death
by liliCartMan
Summary: AU from the episode "The Unbeatable Master": my OC Amelia Rowse follows Eli and his Gang to the Vault, and sees the battle that takes place and Shanai's fate. She does not agree with her death to impose a Slinger's victory, but what could she tell Dr. Blakk to persuade him, and herself? Sex, angst, a secret too...


In what tomb is  
Shanai's body lying?  
Down in that dark earth, or maybe better  
"up in the dark earth" that lies  
much beyond the caves of Slugterra  
in the deep part of the world of mine  
that here in Slugterra they call "Burning"?  
Up in the dark earth?  
Or in a Nirvana, or any paradise,  
or whatever it is?  
Is lying on a bed, torpid,  
my stripped body.  
She slung above again her two Slug,  
rose in air the unbeatable Slinger  
before she disappeared.  
My mind is going back to her,  
surprised I was, charmed,  
conscious of my sorrow for this death,  
then it falls down again:  
my thought is falling on the bed,  
feeling I humiliated  
for my mouth being closed, by the speech  
that overbearing other people is everything,  
and by the love act;  
feeling I humiliated,  
and humiliating in not clinching  
the death, and I say death  
that gave Thaddius glory.  
Awfully on earth is slamming,  
my spirit, not my body only.  
Pronto's flute in my memory I am feeling  
that for Shanai was playing,  
to tell her still farewell  
that I was secretly listening to,  
despite Thaddius  
and his "let's go away"  
before I went away secretly:  
to her a funereal,  
to me a bitter hymeneal tune.  
In my bed, so low, I am lying now  
submissive to Thaddius' kisses,  
to the desire that his body is kindling.  
On my skin like lips are burning,  
Thaddius' passionate lips,  
the rejected pupil's lips.  
To me, it is both a wave of pleasure, like  
a goblet of sweet,  
inebriating wine, and  
on my heart a hard hammer blow:  
both sweet inebriation and sorrow  
I am feeling, now in this bed.  
He is running on my lips by his lips,  
he is running on my cheeks by his lips,  
my breast, my neck, my abdomen  
under his fingers,  
a sop to my passion.  
A still sweet love  
but as bitter as it ad never been  
because of that scene of today:  
the Unbeatable mater who again  
as many times she had done  
was choosing her pupil,  
a contender saw coming to her  
a contender to whom once she had  
told no, because  
evil, as a Slinger has not to be  
she saw Thaddius Blakk;  
told no, on behalf of Will Shane,  
my "enemy"'s father,  
the well-known "vigilante" of Slugterra.  
Thaddius sparred with her,  
and the Twist as him disguised,  
sparring fiercely,  
until Shanai put her Slugs next,  
who, slung together, their powers then  
what an amazing scene! combined  
throwing Twist powerfully on the ground.  
And behind her Thaddius prowled  
and the Ghouled Healer then  
he shot against Shanai  
slinging the strike that to her fatal was  
And Eli's Healer,  
Doc, nothing could do.  
Farewell Unbeatable Master!  
My breathe broke.  
Was it worth of her life, Thaddius Blakk,  
showing your progresses?  
"Now it's enough, Blakk:  
you killed an innocent woman,  
you'll not miss you punishment now, no more"  
shout Eli Shane, and the great  
Master's blaster loaded  
the Fusion Shot repeating  
hardly, still stupefying us.  
Striken by it was Thaddius; he was hit,  
then he said "Enough:  
with Shanai I've already finished, let's go"  
Eh, a Pyrrhic victory  
for Thaddius ad for the Shane Gang too.  
Still astonished, I looked  
at Eli who was scolding  
me, for following, silent, a criminal.  
I answered nothing,  
astonished by Shanai's death,  
disappointed for her knowledge  
in this way lost, and meanwhile  
I doubtful looked at Thaddius,  
but later towards him  
I moved, in my soul feeling  
that useless was objecting:  
either this was acceptable,  
a rival's death, a least here,  
to the success,  
at least in someone's opinion,  
or Thaddius would not, anyway,  
any reproof accepted.  
How stupid, I am speaking about it  
as if it was a fact that happened  
many years ago: because, stupidly, now  
I am feeling lost in the pleasure that  
Thaddius imposing is on me, and I  
partly consentient, just  
to live quietly, my indignation,  
at every touch and kiss,  
I am silencing, only  
part, in a cloak of lust.  
Thaddius told me "enough"  
when to the evening we arrived,  
once we closed our commitments.  
"Why should you worry?  
Shanai nothing more had she could teach me,  
totally by myself I got  
what I need, now"  
 _Dark Water, isn't it?_  
I was thinking bitterly.  
"is this your opinion?" I quietly said.  
"When you ameliorate your Slinging  
you'll see, if desire will not come  
for you too, to stop rivals of you  
by any mean"  
I haven't answered yet.  
Obviously: who was I  
to judge there a skillful Slinger?  
I who for less than a year  
had been able to make few Slugs fight?  
And who, in front of an idiot  
or dishonest colleague, or parents who  
don't look as if they're listening to you,  
believing they're foolproof,  
doesn't threaten to kill, or to hit:  
to achieve a goal and  
make you been listened, and then  
to show your value and qualities?  
But how many among them, because of this, kill?  
With a tricky game  
of his lips, tongue and hands,  
meanwhile Thaddius touching me started,  
he started taking  
all my clothes off me, all my body  
fingering, the desire  
of mine arousing, the one of him already clear  
leading my hands  
after in unveiling his body too.  
Not my desire rising then  
by his touch heated,  
becoming spasmodic,  
was that made me obey, actually,  
his desire, but rather  
it was the feeling that I, now,  
what I could think still did not know  
about how much he was right  
about how things went here,  
about how people live here,  
and how they survive here in Slugterra  
and that was best for me keeping silent,  
just for "peace".  
They last my doubts:  
Thaddius, you went too far!  
You are a murderer, little matters having  
shown your skill.  
Ancient samurais  
a new sword used to test  
raising it on anyone  
passed on the road.  
When a lion won, in a fight  
with a lion, for a territory  
or lionesses, the winner slaughters  
the cubs of the won lion, and then  
the descent of this  
it destroy, to keep for himself the harem...  
Turtledoves, far from being meek,  
as Konrad Lorenz wrote,  
fights until death,  
members of its own species killing,  
as few animals,  
including humans, do...  
Oh come on what speech am I making?!  
What do I have to justify?!  
Don't tell me that, then,  
the destruction of a rival in Slinging  
is allowed here! And not meaning it only  
as taking his Slug,  
as taking his Blaster  
or power on something, like Thaddius  
did with Viggo Dare, his master:  
but meaning it as  
killing the rival, physically  
destroying him, not about his fame.  
In the bed I lied down  
just not to insist,  
just to give him a sop  
enjoying only partly.  
His flesh, as pale as the moon,  
unveiled by his Slinger clothes  
as black as night, as red as wine and blood,  
my body was wrapping now.  
And like a wine that senses clouded  
he was pouring love;  
the blood that was pulsing in the veins  
of him I am now feeling against my skin,  
as he wanted to comfort me,  
for that sorrow that in me was blossoming,  
quickening his heart rate.  
The night that hid my body  
from the Shane Gang's eyes, anyway  
not from their minds that surely  
knew what relationship I have with Thaddius,  
was still partly hiding my sorrow  
from his resolute and greedy eyes.  
Like the dark color of his clothes  
that, taken off, unveiled  
that man's, who my heart now keeps,  
light-skinned, white body,  
under the menacing dark, a man's body  
like many other men,  
with his desires,  
who for me was admirable, because of his ransom:  
from a bandit's slave  
to a capable and successful man...  
a man like other ones,  
white as a light, that, who knows?  
maybe was still lying in his soul,  
hidden, that Shanai wanted to light on?  
Like Amidala in Anakin Skywalker,  
already the Sith joint,  
could still feel a feeble  
Light Side of the Force that,  
unlike Shanai, Obi-Wan  
saw now as burnt out?  
Both a man in love,  
and a powerful, astute Slinger,  
until a so big harshness  
that he killed as a demonstration,  
in a man only, together: what a dilemma!  
In my mind, innocent  
in this sense only,  
Shanai's blood Thaddius was wiping away  
maybe not to worry,  
that for him was a legitimate thing  
killing to win,  
or to baptize me,  
in a rival's blood,  
to the harshness of the life that  
he does, and maybe  
all the Slingers lead and accept,  
and to make me "harsher" about my mind,  
as to Siegfried, on his skin,  
Fafnir's blood.  
"You have not to feel pity.  
Are you sighing for Shanai?"  
Thaddius asked me.  
"You have not to , Amelia, trust me,  
the way of the world is this."  
"The quickest only survives?"  
I repeated, just to persuade me.  
"He who has more power only.  
Slugs are power, and he only who  
can completely use them, here can live.  
Shanai was old already  
her time she lived,  
the only thing that count is power"  
 _Power, yes, and here everything is consented?  
To have power?_  
I am still wondering, still shocked,  
in my mind only.  
Ah Eric, what if you heard me!  
You were a policeman,  
that playing the great hero  
now even, secretly, liked,  
by himself, in his own way, like Batman,  
like many other heroes  
that already as a young girl I scrabbled,  
before paying attention not to their story only  
and its message, but their pictures too...  
yes, like Spider-Man, that in my mind  
is still sternly repeating  
his hard lesson _"From a big power  
come, as big as it  
responsibilities"_  
that sounds like a warning towards Eli  
and a disgusted reproach towards Thaddius...  
or like this William Shane  
the well-known "vigilante" of Slugterra.  
In your work, you surely saw so many  
of these painful stories of  
disappintment and revenge,  
in which feelings don't justify  
a crime,  
and it doesn't matter if remorse comes,  
because the crime has already been committed.  
And where are you now, Eric,  
who cannot see here  
your friend, your "goddaughter" that in a bed  
is seeing her certainties and beliefs falling  
about "the aims that doesn't justify means",  
(is this a sincere idea, because of your job?  
Or later abandoned  
far from my eyes,  
to sabotage, as many people are saying  
a man's great work?  
As Shane Gang would do now?  
From a policeman to a criminal, now?)  
... is seeing her certainties and beliefs falling,  
for an unknown pleasure,  
in a both so similar and different world  
from ours, my friend?  
"Here the fastest only survives  
my daughter" you used to say,  
and later you disappeared.  
Will I see you anymore?  
To discuss about today will I be able?  
About this duel that Thaddius Blakk's  
superiority should confirm?  
About my life now? About what should I do?  
"Here the fastest only survives  
my darling" Thaddius says  
"if your teacher you don't outdo  
important you'll be never, I today did it.  
Didn't you do it, scolding?  
Being disappointed, and threatening hardly,  
in your work? No, this is the way of the world.  
If you don't hit first,  
with your hardest stroke, then,  
then you'll be destroyed.  
Reconcile yourself with this"  
That Italian... poet... wrote...  
 _"I am both light and shadow, an angelic  
butterfly or filthy worm..."_  
Both two wings, who it were my parents  
who built for me, even hardly,  
but especially it was a upright policeman,  
and a filthy body of a worm, that  
gives up desires of flesh  
and on earth is turning on itself.  
Wings that for Thaddius are only  
money and power,  
not only a fair ambition that is  
pursuing one's dreams;  
his hands that in that woman's blood  
and corpse are sinking  
as a worm that is eating  
and that Shanai had hoped she would turn  
in two shining butterfly wings.  
We are not so different  
actually, I and Thaddius.  
Like the Shadow Slug  
and the White Healer  
both united and opposites.  
The will to fight  
for one's ambition  
and that I am seeing falling in Thaddius:  
first with his Ghouls  
and especially today with Shanai.  
Like the Shadow Slug  
and the White Healer  
both united and opposites,  
together powerful much more than one alone:  
both love for me that is overwhelming me and  
Thaddius Blakk's resolution,  
pushed even to a painful crime.  
Like the Shadow Slug  
and the White Healer  
both united and opposites:  
his flesh, pale like a dead man's one  
and red like blood that is life  
and grey his clothes  
His semen, white like milk  
that a little naive toddler,  
that doesn't know the world is still feeding  
forming between his and nurse  
a bond that love will establish,  
his semen, than in his body was kept  
while his body was moving  
just to give me pleasure  
while he in my body was still entering,  
his semen I however  
thought I was feeling,  
as if in my body  
it was going and a mark was leaving:  
as color on my paint  
or ink on a pen, to write  
laws that life here in Slugterra  
rule, a jungle law?  
The love act, done  
both to silence me  
and celebrate Thaddius' victory,  
to my body both pleasure  
and disgust was gibving:  
done to silence me  
as a pen, to write  
in my mind, by saying "listen to me,  
it is me who am right;  
I know what I say, for my experience:  
I say it because I love you,  
you trust me".  
My red blood,  
spilt days ago,  
spilt in pleasure,  
the first time, discovering love,  
spilt then to say "you are mine,  
I am yours", spilt  
to take him in my life...  
spilt then to see  
now an innocent's blood being spilt.  
I, a simple witness  
a witness only, but for law as culprit  
as Thaddius who the Goon Doc  
slung to say "farewell now, Master,  
I am better, now":  
I, for not having opposed,  
as culprit as the executor  
of that "rule" that  
imposes you to be better than everybody  
at any cost, be worth of something?  
Ah Thaddius my love,  
alright, it is you who won:  
enough arguing now,  
even if I still want to understand  
why you should have done it,  
killing a woman  
to be a good Slinger.  
If here I keep discussing  
about being Shanai's death allowed  
or not, I'll end  
a rough road  
because of this ignorance about Slugterra of mine...  
"Let's sleep now Amelia"  
"Let's sleep, let's do it..." I tell him  
just to silence him.  
And then I'll reflect.  
Like the Shadow Slug  
and the White Healer  
both united and opposites.  
White brights the explosion of the blaster  
by which people open their way;  
dark your work clothes, like  
the dark of the night  
that your behavior is now revealing.  
The white of light in me I hide,  
of the Sun, of my world,  
in the dark of a still doubtful love;  
just not to argue now  
my disappointment I am suffocating  
for that great mind, for Shanai  
now lost forever.  
in my kiss to you now I am choking  
my breath broken by that scene of today,  
I am shuddering under your  
still heated, by of our union, fingers,  
because of what I still don't know  
about Slugterra and you  
and that I'll have to know...  
A painful, even if sweet love,  
a dark love, because of my secret!  
Still in my mind  
the two colors are alternating  
both soft and, though, freezing,  
not light and shadow only,  
but red and white too.  
Both united and opposites, inseparable.  
You as white like power of semen  
that, in your skin, is escorted by  
another pale color that  
in my world is represented by the Moon,  
as to dissipate, in your way, the darkness  
of my mind, to make me agree with you.  
I red becasue of that blood that  
from my body dropped,  
revealing to you my heart, oh my love...  
and the blood that Shanai lost, now.  
You in your clothes red like life,  
that, in your mind, is power only  
(but is it true or not  
this idea, here? And how much, Eric?)  
and on your hands in another sense  
spots of blood because  
pale like death that  
that, given to other people, is your life  
as that proverb says.  
I white as a dead woman, in feeling  
that too pure, in an obscene way, is  
naive, my mind  
about this world, to whom  
I do not belong, that however I d no want  
to leave, loving you;  
I as white as a dead woman, if for Eric  
death is agreeing  
totally with who  
destroys other people's life  
for his own profit  
Yes, morally dead,  
because for a quiet life  
Thaddius' excuse I have already accepted  
"Shanai was already old  
she had her time"  
But of a worse trouble I am afraid:  
if I opposed Thaddius,  
I'd lost his liking,  
and not only your one, Eli's and the other's one  
(who a doubt already  
put in me, about what kind of man Thaddius is)  
that I need to have information  
that i will need  
to find Eric.  
What do you know about Eric... doctor Blakk...  
Sleep is approaching...  
already... not reasoning... any more...  
Eric... what must I do?  
Eric... Eli... Shanai... forgive me...

* * *

A) _Dualism_ by Arrigo Boito: the verses about light and shadow and the worm and butterfly

B) _The restaurateur_ (Italian TV show) (Amelia's and Eric's bio) the protagonist Basilio is a policeman who kills two people who had killed his wife; he spends 20 years in jail, where he learns the job of restaurating furnitures and decorations. When his time in prison ends, Basilio starts this job in a shop; but all the times he heards about a mystery (a theft, murder, disappearing...) he secretly leaves temporarily his work, to investigate on the case

C) Harry Potter fanfiction _The Death Eater and the Muggle_ by www . forla severus / (delete the spaces; in Italian only) (Amelia's and Eric's bio): the protagonist is a Muggle that is a friend of the Auror Alastor Moody, who makes her know the magic world; after Voldemort rises back (end of 4th book) this Muggle secretly starts to work for the Ministry of Magic and Hogwarts, as an "ambassador" of Muggles in the war to Voldemort

D) _"A window to the past"_ by John Williams, soundtrack of _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ (that in my mind is associated both to _Il Mangiamorte e la Babbana_ and the scene of the funeral of Shanai)

E) _As white as milk as red as blood_ by Alessandro d'Avena

F) _King Solomon's Ring_ by Konrad Lorenz

G) _Star Wars - Revenge of the Siths_ by George Lucas for Anakin, Padme, Obi-Wan Kenobi

H) _Sonnets_ by Giuseppe Gioacchino Belli for the metaphor of the male sex organ-brush, blood of woman-color (menstrual in the sonnet, blood of defloration in my piece)

I) Giacomo Leopardi for the title

L) the Norse myth of Siegfried


End file.
